IWSG: Straight from Notting Hill ~ I hope!

Yesterday, May 7th, I posted my first piece
as a member of the Insecure Writer's Support Group.

Today, I am writing my piece
for next month's First Wednesday IWSG post.

Portobello Road, Notting Hill
Source:  Wikimedia

If life goes according to plan,
on Wednesday, June 4, 2014,
I will be waking up in a flat 
in Notting Hill, London,
where I don't know 
how I will charge my computer,
let alone make it work.

Computers and I 
have a troubled relationship,
so I'm making
a preemptive strike.

If you read this, I was successful!

I'm a bed spinner.

And the night of May 6th
had a lot of twists and turns.

I'd twirl one way, 
worried I'd die

before I got my memoir written.

Then I'd twirl the other, 
worried I'd crash and burn 
when I posted my heart and soul

for the IWSG when the sun came up.

I didn't post when the sun came up.
I have many personal challenges,
but these three were carrying me along full bore
in the morning glare:
perfectionism,
fear of failure,
and procrastination.

So I niggled over my post
and drank coffee with sweaty hands.
Finally, I took a deep breath
and clicked the Publish button.
Zing ~ Into the Universe went my IWSG post.

How animating it was to read the comments
that zinged back.
Zing ~ supportive!
Zing ~ encouraging!
Zing ~ goosebumps galore!

If you are a writer
and are not a member of IWSG,
go there and sign up right now!

Don't worry if you're not insecure.
The most secure writer I know
is a fellow IWSG member.

Heck, he's not even a person!
He's a taskmaster cat named Orlin ~
who cracks his whip
and makes housemate Pat
hop to and scribe his funny rhymes.

And that demanding Orlin ~ Snap! Crack! ~
makes Pat answer comments on Orlin's blog posts
and on the blog posts of Orlin's readers.

Advice from the Cat:
Have to sit down and write away at your bay ...

Softened by the scribe:
...it will sure come out I bet.

So with the Cat's admonitions 
driving me to my study this morning (May 8th),
I opened up my latest manuscript document  ~ and reread.
That's what third grade teachers say to their students
when they stare at that unfinished draft ~
Reread!

A couple of weeks ago in a fit of inspiration, 
I had dropped the vegetable peeler, 
abandoned the potatoes, 
and run down to my computer
to type this latest beginning sentence.
Poor Ever-Patient Terry.  
Another late supper in the works.

I've been trying on different beginnings to see how they fit.
This morning this fit.
And out flowed the words onto the screen:

Sometimes a place and its people will grasp your heart and never let go, even with half a continent and half a century separating you in space and time.  They whisper in your heart as you move through your busy days.  They haunt your dark nights as you twist in damp sheets through long hours.  You may silence them at times, burying them deeply in the muskeg of your mind; but when you least expect it, their voices come bubbling to the surface to remind you that you have still not given voice to what has been lost in death.

So I will try, with the best that is in me, to write the story of my family’s sojourn in The North.  But my family’s story is many stories:  of Fritz and Kokum and Maurice and Simon.  Of the unforgettable others who moved in and out of my young life.  Of John.  Most importantly, it is my father’s story.  I’m searching for my father in the pages of his letters written so long ago.  All this is colored by my experiences and memories of that time.  As I cobble these stories together, I’m trying to honor and balance my father’s voice with mine.  I’m searching for the truth and wondering what I can reveal.

Our lives turned on an advertisement...

So I'm off and running with my latest garbage draft ~

another third grade teacher writing term.
It can always be changed,
just get it down!
I hear you, Cat!

I'm not sure why I've been so hung up 
on the beginning sentences for so long.
I have thousands and thousands of middle words written.

I can hear myself talking to my third graders about voice:
"Voice is the heart of the writer 
surfacing through the words written:
unique in tone and flavor,
unlike any other's.
There is only one you
When you care about your topic
and write your truth,
your special voice will shine through."

Of course, with third graders,
one explanation leads to more and more!
They struggled with the concept of voice
more than any other.
It's not any easier when you are big and older.

A Small and Young Writer

Source:  wikimedia

I think I've found the beginning of the right tread

to untangle my past ~ 
At least enough to get me moving beyond
that perfectionist, fearful
procrastinating, maddening block.

I promise; well, at least I'll try,

not to be so self indulgent when I write my IWSG posts.

I'm an extreme Myers-Briggs INFJ, and I fight this daily.