Intelligence Gathering at Its Best!

This morning I had to take Terry
in for his decennial colonoscopy
at the  G.I. center in my hometown.

Looks Serious!

Source:  Wikimedia

I looked decennial, or once every ten years,
up on an on-line dictionary,
just to see if any interesting ads popped up.
I'm playing with Google's intelligence gathering programs.

Source of Raw Data

Source:  Wikipedia

In the US we're a little sensitive about
intelligence gathering programs 
and their databases right now.

Source:  Google Search 

But the Fed has nothing on Google,
let me tell you!

I was shocked yesterday,
when I was researching
an on-line dictionary for 
all the meanings 
of confront and confrontation.

I was shocked,
and then burst out laughing at the directed, 
just-for-special-me 
ad that popped up.

LOL Graffiti by Ke Iki Beach

Nice try Google,
but I am not a clicker.

But no matter how tempting that ad was, 
I didn't click-through to find out more.

I know CNBC is always talking
about how Google monetizes
the Internet better than most,
but I slipped through its advertising net.

I didn't click-through on
Sites for Dating Surfers!

Conquering the Learning Curve

Why did I find this so funny,
rather than say, flattering?

It's because machines can't think ... yet.

If you've read Ray Kurzweil's 
provocative and controversial book
The Singularity is Near:
When Humans Transcend Biology, 
then you know true artificial intelligence (AI)
may be closer than many think.

Now, 
I was flattered 
when my nephew Kevin
gave me this book 
one Christmas
because 
it's a heavy  read.

Source:  Wikipedia





But it's a fun read too, 
if you're a Trekkie like me,
and you are fascinated 
with TNG's Lt. Commander Data
and Voyager's The Doctor (EMH, Mark I).

         

Data Source:  Wikipedia                                              The Doctor  Source:  Wikipedia                  


If machines could think,
Google's intelligence gathering machines
would know that I am 
Off the Market 
and have no interest 
in dating any surfer
no matter how cute he is.

So the interesting question to me is:
What did I do or say that prompted
the ad 'Sites for Dating Surfers'?  

Did the machines "think" 
I was digging too deeply
into the meaning of a word
and needed more play in my life?

Was it because I loved paddle boarding
off Waikiki, and the machines "thought"
I'd spend more time and money in Honolulu
if I started dating surfers?

Maybe the machines "thought" 
if I snagged a surfer boyfriend,
I wouldn't have to spend so much on lessons.

NOT!  It's all about monetization!

Contrary to what the photographic evidence might suggest,

I was not looking for surfers to date!

Okay, I admit it!
I took close to 800 pictures of surfers
at Banzai-Pipeline and Sunset beaches
on the North Shore of Oahu recently.

Not All Were Cute Guys!

But what the machines didn't "induce"
was that I was learning how to use 
my new digital camera,
and there's a definite learning curve
to catching a surfer on a wave.
Especially when the sun's so bright
you can't find the horizon,
let alone the wave or the surfer!

And if those machines had "evaluated"
the quality of those photographs,
or had "remembered" that I grew up
using a Brownie Hawkeye,
then maybe they would have "clued in"
to the fact that I was having problems 
adjusting to the rotatable LCD monitor 
off the left side of my new camera.

Definite learning curve there!
But I finally rode it successfully!  :D

Here's my theory:
Terry has been teasing me
about taking pictures of
cute surfers, lifeguards, 
and guys on the beach.

We've been carrying on 
a playful conversation
in various ways on-line.

So the E-P went into my iPhoto files
to hunt down what he thought
would be a more flattering photo of him.
than the one I had posted on my blog
of him being eaten by a North Shore wave.

Source:  All Over the Place on Google

Then the Ever-Patient figured out
how to edit the photograph on iPhoto
to make it the best possible,
so he could send me a "hunk" shot of him
to counteract all those "hunk" shots I was taking of others.
We've been LOLing a lot.

Good Job, Honey!

If those machines were truly smart,
they'd have understood the humor
behind what they were "observing."
Well, maybe not ~
Lt. Commander Data did struggle 
with the concept of humor.

But back to monetization again ...
The E-P was on-line at a weather site 
during a downpour one day in Pupukea.
He was aghast to find 
a picture of himself walking on Ke Iki Beach
taken just a few days previously.
It wasn't an unflattering 
or even a recognizable shot of him,
but it was unequivocally him.

See the Original Here!

No Need to Go to Weather Site!

Now I had this photo in exactly two places:
in the iPhoto files on my computer
and in the memory card 
sitting on the table in our rented studio on Ke Iki
(It was maxed out with surfer shots).
Fascinating!

"Privacy is dead!" I told him.
"Get over it, Babe!"

The Ever-Patient eventually came around.
He did look cute in a non-surfer way.

But really,
if machines "grasped" the concepts
of humor and excitement,
the machine that lifted my photo 
for a weather site
updating surfing conditions 
on the North Shore,  ... 
well, that machine would have "chosen"
a much better shot.

If that machine was "concerned" about public safety
or that non-surfers might not understand
what a North Shore wave is capable of,
then it would have nabbed 
this action shot in a heartbeat.

That's my E-P upside down in a small wave!

Obviously that machine didn't "get" 
the concept of apropos.

The singularity may be near,
but AI hasn't arrived yet!

I'll worry when machines can solve the conundrum
of why the direction of my post turned
on the word decennial.

My original title for this post was
Missing Dr. Tell It Like It Is,
and I was all set to write about 
how much I missed my favorite GI doctor who had retired,
so he wasn't there to do Terry's colonoscopy.

All I did was google for an adjective
to replace "every ten years" 
that I had modifying that 
wonderful noun colonoscopy.
(Machine Alert:  modern use of sarcasm!  do u get it?)

Source:  CHEEZburger

  

Suddenly I found myself typing

"I'm playing with Google's intelligence gathering programs."

Next, to my surprise,

I replaced my original title with "Intelligence Gathering at Its Best!"

I had no clue where my post was going,

or why its original purpose had been highjacked.
I've really been trying to fathom this.

Does it have anything to do with 
Terry and his decennial colonoscopy?
I'm not sure, 
but this is what went down in the recovery room:

When the E-P was coming out of La La Land,

all tucked under his warm blankie

thoughtfully covering that ridiculous no-back gown,

he looked at all those wires and monitors attached to him,

smiled sloppily at me,

and mumbled clumsily,

I am the Borg.  Resistance is futile!

Google may do intelligence gathering at its best, 
in the world, 
but its machines have a long way to go
before they "understand" humans.