Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Intelligence Gathering at Its Best!

This morning I had to take Terry
in for his decennial colonoscopy
at the  G.I. center in my hometown.

Looks Serious!
Source:  Wikimedia

I looked decennial, or once every ten years,

up on an on-line dictionary,
just to see if any interesting ads popped up.
I'm playing with Google's intelligence gathering programs.

Source of Raw Data
Source:  Wikipedia

In the US we're a little sensitive about
intelligence gathering programs 
and their databases right now.

Source:  Google Search 

But the Fed has nothing on Google,
let me tell you!

I was shocked yesterday,
when I was researching
an on-line dictionary for 
all the meanings 
of confront and confrontation.

I was shocked,
and then burst out laughing at the directed, 
ad that popped up.

LOL Graffiti by Ke Iki Beach

Nice try Google,
but I am not a clicker.

But no matter how tempting that ad was, 
I didn't click-through to find out more.

I know CNBC is always talking
about how Google monetizes
the Internet better than most,
but I slipped through its advertising net.

I didn't click-through on
Sites for Dating Surfers!

Conquering the Learning Curve

Why did I find this so funny,
rather than say, flattering?

It's because machines can't think ... yet.

If you've read Ray Kurzweil's 
provocative and controversial book
The Singularity is Near:
When Humans Transcend Biology
then you know true artificial intelligence (AI)
may be closer than many think.

I was flattered 
when my nephew Kevin
gave me this book 
one Christmas
it's a heavy  read.

Source:  Wikipedia

But it's a fun read too, 
if you're a Trekkie like me,
and you are fascinated 
with TNG's Lt. Commander Data
and Voyager's The Doctor (EMH, Mark I).


Data Source:  Wikipedia                                              The Doctor  Source:  Wikipedia                  

If machines could think,
Google's intelligence gathering machines
would know that I am 
Off the Market 
and have no interest 
in dating any surfer
no matter how cute he is.

So the interesting question to me is:
What did I do or say that prompted
the ad 'Sites for Dating Surfers'?  

Did the machines "think" 
I was digging too deeply
into the meaning of a word
and needed more play in my life?

Was it because I loved paddle boarding
off Waikiki, and the machines "thought"
I'd spend more time and money in Honolulu
if I started dating surfers?

Maybe the machines "thought" 
if I snagged a surfer boyfriend,
I wouldn't have to spend so much on lessons.

NOT!  It's all about monetization!

Contrary to what the photographic evidence might suggest,
I was not looking for surfers to date!

Okay, I admit it!
I took close to 800 pictures of surfers
at Banzai-Pipeline and Sunset beaches
on the North Shore of Oahu recently.

Not All Were Cute Guys!

But what the machines didn't "induce"
was that I was learning how to use 
my new digital camera,
and there's a definite learning curve
to catching a surfer on a wave.
Especially when the sun's so bright
you can't find the horizon,
let alone the wave or the surfer!

And if those machines had "evaluated"
the quality of those photographs,
or had "remembered" that I grew up
using a Brownie Hawkeye,
then maybe they would have "clued in"
to the fact that I was having problems 
adjusting to the rotatable LCD monitor 
off the left side of my new camera.

Definite learning curve there!
But I finally rode it successfully!  :D

Here's my theory:
Terry has been teasing me
about taking pictures of
cute surfers, lifeguards, 
and guys on the beach.

We've been carrying on 
a playful conversation
in various ways on-line.

So the E-P went into my iPhoto files
to hunt down what he thought
would be a more flattering photo of him.
than the one I had posted on my blog
of him being eaten by a North Shore wave.

Source:  All Over the Place on Google

Then the Ever-Patient figured out
how to edit the photograph on iPhoto
to make it the best possible,
so he could send me a "hunk" shot of him
to counteract all those "hunk" shots I was taking of others.
We've been LOLing a lot.

Good Job, Honey!

If those machines were truly smart,
they'd have understood the humor
behind what they were "observing."
Well, maybe not ~
Lt. Commander Data did struggle 
with the concept of humor.

But back to monetization again ...
The E-P was on-line at a weather site 
during a downpour one day in Pupukea.
He was aghast to find 
a picture of himself walking on Ke Iki Beach
taken just a few days previously.
It wasn't an unflattering 
or even a recognizable shot of him,
but it was unequivocally him.

See the Original Here!
No Need to Go to Weather Site!

Now I had this photo in exactly two places:
in the iPhoto files on my computer
and in the memory card 
sitting on the table in our rented studio on Ke Iki
(It was maxed out with surfer shots).

"Privacy is dead!" I told him.
"Get over it, Babe!"

The Ever-Patient eventually came around.
He did look cute in a non-surfer way.

But really,
if machines "grasped" the concepts
of humor and excitement,
the machine that lifted my photo 
for a weather site
updating surfing conditions 
on the North Shore,  ... 
well, that machine would have "chosen"
a much better shot.

If that machine was "concerned" about public safety
or that non-surfers might not understand
what a North Shore wave is capable of,
then it would have nabbed 
this action shot in a heartbeat.

That's my E-P upside down in a small wave!

Obviously that machine didn't "get" 
the concept of apropos.

The singularity may be near,
but AI hasn't arrived yet!

I'll worry when machines can solve the conundrum
of why the direction of my post turned
on the word decennial.

My original title for this post was
Missing Dr. Tell It Like It Is,
and I was all set to write about 
how much I missed my favorite GI doctor who had retired,
so he wasn't there to do Terry's colonoscopy.

All I did was google for an adjective
to replace "every ten years" 
that I had modifying that 
wonderful noun colonoscopy.
(Machine Alert:  modern use of sarcasm!  do u get it?)

Source:  CHEEZburger

Suddenly I found myself typing
"I'm playing with Google's intelligence gathering programs."

Next, to my surprise,
I replaced my original title with "Intelligence Gathering at Its Best!"

I had no clue where my post was going,
or why its original purpose had been highjacked.
I've really been trying to fathom this.

Does it have anything to do with 
Terry and his decennial colonoscopy?
I'm not sure, 
but this is what went down in the recovery room:

When the E-P was coming out of La La Land,
all tucked under his warm blankie
thoughtfully covering that ridiculous no-back gown,
he looked at all those wires and monitors attached to him,
smiled sloppily at me,
and mumbled clumsily,
I am the Borg.  Resistance is futile!

Google may do intelligence gathering at its best, 
in the world, 
but its machines have a long way to go
before they "understand" humans.


  1. Machines and humans will never get along
    Both beat to a different song
    But in the end
    Stupid google goes around the bend
    And snatches things up
    Collecting data like a butt sniffing pup

    1. Hi Pat! Thanks for your spot on comment! I've done a little editing since you commented. Terry, who never reads my posts, read this one and told me I needed to work on it! Being my hubby, he felt he could be "brutally honest." He liked the surfer girls though! LOL! Thanks for all your comments! I so appreciate them!

  2. I never, ever click the ads either.

    You might enjoy "The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to our Brains" - probably not as weighty as your other book, but it contains an interesting section on Google and their philosophy.

    A fun post! And some lovely surfing photos - the water looks so cool and clear and divinely, refreshingly wet.

    A friend and I have been trading emails about (among other things) events of an intimate female nature and their timing as related to long-distance cycling events, and we're both very careful to use extremely non-specific language. I must say the oddest ads pop up when I'm typing one of these messages - ads completely unrelated to anything I am saying - and I am sure the machines have no clue as to what we're getting at. It gives me an absurd sense of satisfaction to be, in my own small way, outwitting the Borg. :)

  3. Hi Sue! Thank you for your comment. When you posted it, I was in the middle of making a few changes. I was happy to see that you "got" the post. And I will check out that book! I haven't read much about Google's philosophy, and I'm relatively new to blogging, so it's been fascinating to see what happens! The Borg scare me! But Terry always makes me laugh, because he loves to say "Resistance is futile," to me. He is not into Star Trek, singularities, or science fiction. He does like Seven of Nine though! Have a good evening!

    1. I've reread your comment a number of times, Sue. That last paragraph is just hilarious! The Borg miss so much that is delightful!

  4. ummm some places shouldn't be explored ha

    1. LOL, HGW! Thanks for stopping by! Have a good one!

  5. I have clicked the ads before and then all of a sudden crazy things happen to my computer, pop ups everywhere, etc. So lesson learned. I really would love to learn to surf. But I s'pose I beter learn to swim first :)

    1. Hi OE! I definitely recommend learning to swim before learning to surf! And canoeing experience certainly helps if you want to do stand up paddle boarding. When Terry and I were getting certified as scuba divers, my divemaster (who worked intensively with us for four days ~ before the final, BIG dive) told us that some commercial diving companies would "train" you to scuba dive in a quick lesson and take you on a dive ~ even if you didn't know how to swim! Unbelievable!
      I hope you are enjoying your day!

  6. Hi Fundy, It's Barb ... a little off topic ... I spent the weekend with The Doctor and Neelix - I was a Spock Days in Vulcan Alberta - it was a blast and I had lots of opportunities to chat with Robert Picardo and Ethan Phillips - no Borg in sight but it would have been fun to have had 7 of 9 there!
    LLAP - Cheers,

    I learned this weekend that LLAP means Live Long and Propser

    1. OMG, Sis! U R killing me!

      i no U were chattin with The Doctor & Neelix & i am so jealous! LOL!

      i was telling my trainer Julie about UR weekend in Vulcan @ Spock Days
      i told hr that i absolutely hav to go with U to Vulcan 4 Spock Days sometime.
      Oops! bucket list got longer! LOL!

      when i do go, we hav to wear costumes
      i still hav that Uhura costume I bot on the DS9 promenade near Quark's Bar in the LVH.
      im sure U & Donnie wer with T & me wen i bot it.
      do U remember drinkin WARP CORE BREACHes at Quark's? tha wer so gu~ud!

      i nvr wore Uhura costume
      it became 2 small & it was 2 short 4 a techur 2 wear in the skool Halloween parade.

      mayB i cud go as 7 of 9 instead. T likes 7 of 9! Resistance is futile! LOL
      do U think 7 of 9 wud carry tribbles as an accessory? i hav 3 tribble 2!
      it seems Borg ~ NOT!

      just askin!
      U no i am not a fashionista LOL

      if U R wonderin WTF im doing ~ im tryin 2 rite like Lisa and the other N&Ns.
      i wish U had clued me in 2 LLAP sooner.

      I sent a gmail in LisaSpeak 2 a frend last nite. LLAP wud hav been the perfect endin
      Oh well ~ mayB another X

      Hope U hav a gud 1!!!

      OMG! i just googled text symbol for happy face :-)

      wikipedia has an Rtickle with every emoticon in Xistence
      i tell U wikipedia is awesum
      dz Lisa & al. still UZ awesum?

      i dont no
      i hav a dum fone or is it dum cell?

      i feel like the Fog Pin in "The Prince of the Pond.
      peeps shud take cdns lit more seriously. it can B profound

      i dont no how to text
      mayB there's still hope

      LOLOLOL !!!!!

      LLAP !!!


      WWLLD if U dont no what that means √ ur FB buddy Ron's blog @ .fromsophie'sview

      how am i doin plez dont giv me the fingr LOL

      i promise i wont do this again 2 U !!!

      ps julie siad i am 2 walk the DSDs 5K ~ NOT, NOT, NOT 2 run it!!!

      she siad walk
      i herd run
      i am so relieved and :-)

      gud by

  7. I love how your mind works, Louise! This is a great post and I feel it IS all connected and you listened to your instincts and 'surfed' those brain waves and came back to where you started. (I think that made sense!)
    Since I did have a colonoscopy in February which was successful by the way in finding and eliminating a non-cancerous polyp (PHEW), I trust Terry's went OK? I had to be put under completely into ultra La La Land due to not tolerating the procedure when 'awake'. I know....WAY too much information. But am very happy that I enrolled in the free provincial study on colon cancer for all over the age of 50 here in Nova Scotia. Long live socialized medicine!! (I wonder if 'they' will pick this up in their surveillance sweep!!!)lol

  8. AMEN SISTA!!!!!

    Your curve ball throughout the post is what makes the post, so keep spilling the laughter, anecdotes and quirky/wirky pawlease! Me too, me too ~~ I start with one title and before you know it, the words change and Sophie is off to the moon instead of under the seas. This is what is so fascinating about blogging ~~ using your imagination!!

    Love the Capt Kirk joke!!

    I was trying to figure out how they got your picture and now it opens up a new world of "WTF" (and that's not Wed. Thurs. Fri!!). SO your machines are accessible by others before you even think of sharing the pictures and info. That is too wierd, don't you think!? Maybe this iPhone World is just not for me. I prefer being creative and not stealing others lives and saying their mine, that's no fun anyway!

    Hope Terry is doing fine now! Tell him the wet T-shirt look suits him to a T!



  9. Hi Louise! This post really made me laugh because I'm married to a big Trekkie fan. I always say "resistance is futile" and it never ceases to make me laugh. When Clara was really small, she looked exactly like The Doctor. I'm not kidding. Alain and I used to laugh so hard. Voyager is the only one I really get into and we watched every single episode while we were waiting for Clara to be born (I had to be induced at 42 weeks!)....do you think that had something to do with it? Ha. You haven't posted in a while so I hope everything is ok and all went well with the colonoscopy. XOXO! Audrey

  10. Hi Audrey! It's so good to hear from you! And I loved your story about Star Trek and Clara! All is well with the E-P and his procedure. I've been unable to post as much as I'd like to. I'm a slow writer, so it takes me a while to get something finished. There's been a LOT going on. It's all good! Has Alain seen the new Star Trek movie? The E-P and I finally were able to see it yesterday! Fantabulous. Oh, my lucky sister Barb spent last weekend in Vulcan (I kid you not!), Alberta at a Star Trek get together called Spock Days. She actually spent time chatting w/ The Doctor and Neelix! OMG! Lucky Sis! Have a happy week! XOXO > U :)

    1. Alain has not seen the new movie. He's very reluctant to take time to do things for himself but I've been urging him to go. Movies are always better on the big screen! Glad you guys enjoyed it!!! I'll keep trying. I've always thought I should send Alain to one of the Trekkie conferences as a surprise gift. That would be so great! He's also a huge LOTR fan so I enjoyed today's post also. He made me sit through The Hobbit this weekend but I can't say I enjoyed it that much....but I did it with a smile....since it was Father's Day.


Thank you for your comments! I appreciate them very much.