Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Time Travel Whiplash

Chaos has overtaken the Barbour household,
and time is seriously out of whack.

I feel an affinity for 12 Monkeys' James Cole,
with Terry playing Kathryn Railly to my James.

Wikipedia   Non-free_use_rationale_guideline  Analogy/Critique   

If you've seen this chilling and unforgettable neo-noir sci-fi film,
then you grasp the consequences of time travel whiplash.

Wednesday, October 7th
Things started to slip out of control
when the Ever-Patient Terry and I arrived home 
just before midnight after a long day of traveling.

Sadly Leaving for the Airport on the Bus
Victoria, British Columbia, Canada

We were thrilled to be home!
Wired and tired, we roamed for hours
snacking on muesli scrounged in the pantry.
Terry crashed about 3:00 a.m.

But it was the first Wednesday of the month,
Insecure Writer's Support Group Day
so I was hopping all over the internet,
commenting on IWSG posts,
not to mention writing my next northern piece
due to publish in under 24 hours.

Fortunately I remembered chunks of crystalized ginger
and squares of dark chocolate hidden behind the muesli.

Better than a shot of Red Bull!
The burn of a mouth full of ginger keeps you hopping,
and the silky melt of chocolate soothes the burn
way better than an emergency gulp from the cold water tap.

I had creative responsibilities,  
and in my timeview, it was still Wednesday;
Thursday wouldn't happen until I crawled out of bed.

At four a.m. common sense won.
Or was it that I couldn't see the computer screen
with my magnifying glasses on?
Or that I couldn't hop because my tongue was dead?
I tiptoed into the bedroom and slipped into bed.

Round and round I spun,
circling this way and that.

"Stop it, Louise!" blared the not so Ever-Patient!
"Every time you do that, cold air gets under the covers!"

Sharp words from the Ever-Patient?
Perhaps he was experiencing time troubles too,
feeling a little more Jeffrey Goines than Kathryn Railly?
It was all downhill from there.

Disclosure:  Sometimes the E-P has
non E-P moments and morphs into Grumpy Cat.

4:08 a.m. ~  Lack of Empathy for My Late-Night Writing

4:12 a.m. ~  Lack of Empathy for My Late-Night Writing 

My internal clock ran amok for days,
and things spiraled more and more out of control.
I might as well have criss-crossed time zones 
around the world twice in 80 hours.

Question:  At what point would you recognize you were spiraling?

Thursday, October 8th:  
Up at 11:30 a.m.
We eat muesli with half and half
and sandwiches made of rat cheddar cheese 
in six-week old bread.

Grumpy Cat plays pickle ball 
while I don't go to the store.
I'm too busy and too wired. 
I'm write, write, writing.

The Ever-Patient reappears and plops 
a supper-sized bowl of muesli 
and half and half by my computer.

I write until 3:00 a.m. 
with repeated trips to the cupboard and tap.

Writers Fuel

Friday, October 9th:
Up at 5:30 a.m. 
Still muesli with half and half.
Terry plays pickle ball.

I chug coffee bleary-eyed.
I have forgotten about going to the grocery store.
Or blogging. Or writing.

I am prying photos out of an old album with a sharp knife
while I watch some of the many episodes 
of the Young and the Restless I missed while traveling.

I think about the dozens and dozens of other albums
I have to pry photos from too.  And digitize.
I want to stab the album.

My writing!  Yikes!
I stab the knife block instead and power up my computer.

To power myself up,
I begin to scarf ginger and chocolate,
washing them down with copious coffee.

I enter the flow!
I am on a creative roll!

Hours later the E-P reappears and gently suggests 
I shower before he takes me to Parkway to eat,
because now there is no more bread or half and half,
and dry muesli is hard to swallow 
after playing pickle ball in the hot sun at 6,000 feet.

We pick up milk on the way to Parkway.
I hungrily eat hot food and toss back merlot at the bar.

Much later, at home, 
writing and blogging have slipped my mind. 
I am playing Star Trek, Goldfish, 
and myVegas slots on-line.  Brilliantly!  
I win millions of fake chips 
and stagger to bed about 3:30 a.m.

Saturday, October 10th: 
Up at 7:00 a.m. 
I have an early hair appointment.
I am in serious need of a skunk line coverup,
and nothing comes between me and my hair stylist.

On the way home I stop at Sprouts 
for more half and half, ginger, and chocolate,
and something green, leafy, and scary 
to go with Sprout's deli-prepared meatloaf.

No time to get anything more!
I have writing and blogging to do
(and maybe a couple of slot spins 
with my new millions).

After a meatloaf supper with no green, leafy, scary things,
I degenerate into a gambler on tilt.
I lose millions of fake chips.
I am pissed.

The E-P distracts me with 
a consoling arm around my shoulder.
accidentally hit maximum bet 
and lose a half million chips in one spin.
I am broke and really pissed.

Terry beats a hasty retreat downstairs
to hide in whatever sports event is on tv.
His rabid male cheering doesn't cheer me.

There is nothing like a big gambling loss to clear brain fog!
I wallow in Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan's
Girl from the North Country countless times
while rereading my memoir-in-progress.

The Rest:
I'll spare you the rest.
I realized I was out of control 
when I found a big bag of baby kale 
in the fridge on Monday.
Whatever possessed me to buy that?

I'm hoping that kale degenerates into slime quickly,
and I can sneak it into the garbage without Terry noticing.

Today, Tuesday, October 15th:
Last night I only stayed up until 1:00 a.m. 
writing my latest northern post.
I only played Cash and Dylan's GFTNCountry 
about 20 times while I was writing. 

I got up at 7:00 a.m. to spit-shine my northern post
before two appointments this morning.
Both were cancelled by sick providers!
I had the unexpected gift of extra time!

So I drafted this without Cash and Dylan, 
ginger and chocolate, or muesli and half and half.

I'm slowing the whiplash of herky jerky time travel.
I think I've dodged a James Cole plunge into madness.
I think I can sleep tonight!

 You Tube ~ Damian Ponce 

And then the phone rang.
The Lovable Labs are coming to visit.
Just when I thought I was gaining control.
Oh silly optimistic me!


  1. Great post, Louise, very funny! You know, I've never heard the phrase "a skunk line coverup" before and I think it's hilarious! One small quibble though about what fuels writers -- surely Marcel Proust would live on a diet of madeleines?

    1. Thanks, Debra! By the time I finished writing this, I was ready to send it into cyber-oblivion. Humor is the toughest thing for me to write, and I had lost all perspective by the time I was done. I think I originated "skunk line coverup" from Dad's childhood pet; but I've used it so long, I don't remember! Surely madeleines for Proust! Disclaimer ~ I haven't read much Proust, so I'm trusting your judgement! Have a good one!

  2. lmao well at least it wasn't a real half a million chips. That would have been far worse. Always something to keep us topsy turvy it seems.

    1. A big loss of real money for me is $100! Thank goodness I can play my favorite slots for free on-line and earn gold coins to trade for real shows and rooms in Vegas. You have no idea how long it takes me to accumulate a half million in fake chips!! Have a good one, Pat!

  3. You need a vacation from your vacation.
    The last time things spun, I was in college. It was also the last time I ever got drunk.

    1. Oh you together, organized person! LOL! I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry! Reach out and touch me, please Alex! Maybe something will wear off!

  4. LOVE your style of writing, Louise! And your humorous anecdotes! And your choice of pictures! Welcome back to Colorado!

    1. Thanks, Susan! That is so encouraging to hear, because I was tearing my hair out trying to write this! Humor is the hardest thing for me to write. It's lovely to be home, my friend!

  5. Home sweet home, maybe leave another trip for some time later, really later, recover, rest, and meantime I have so enjoyed the chronicle of your spun out days and nights.

    1. Thanks, Jean! Writing the most fulfilling creative thing I do, and it fills my heart if even one person enjoys my efforts. That's the magic of blogging! I guess most of us wouldn't do it if people didn't respond to our passions.

      I appreciated your caring words very much. I find it hard to give myself permission to rest and relax. So many interesting things to do all around me! I don't kick back well! I was born moving and never stopped. Almost every childhood photo of me has me in a harness with a rope attached, and I'm sure my husband would like to tie me down sometimes. LOL! But I did read for a wonderful two hours last night!!!!

      It's feeling a little lonely around my feet this morning as I drink my coffee. Our canine visitors left just before supper last night. There's nothing like two sets of eyes gazing at you adoringly on each side throughout the day. Even though I know it's all about food, walks, treats and attention. Always attention! Talk about dogging your footsteps; Gracie and Rufus would even wait for me outside the bathroom door!

      Have a lovely day, my friend!

  6. Dearest Louise, I have had my share of sleepless nights and Grumpy cat made me laugh! LOL! Such a great post, and a very warm welcome back to you, dear friend. Hugs. :)

    1. Thank you, Linda! Your kind words mean so much! I find Grumpy Cat a perfect metaphor for Terry when he's a little prickly; not because he's grumpy much, but when he is, he's so darn cute! Often I bust out laughing!

      I feel badly when I can't settle into a regular blogging routine. You and Pat Hatt are my heroes for your consistent, dedicated, daily posting, visiting, and replying! Two very different, but awesome bloggers!

      Hugs to my special Montreal friend! Have a great day!

  7. Louise, I would be a basket case missing that much sleep, plus I don't like half and half unless it's in soup. However, I think I have some crystalized ginger and dark chocolate in the pantry - you've made me hungry for that snack. I'd tell you to sneak the kale out for the rabbits, but I don't think even they will eat it. Snow due overnight in the mountains - I don't know about front range. Those pups will force you to go out and exercise. (Maybe some kale with kibble would be good for them?)

    1. LOL, Barb! You've made me laugh this morning! I have been a basket case, but I'm leveling out slowly. I hope the snow didn't hit you last night; it seemed like the weathermen were backing off a little. The labs went home to Breck last night, and I miss their dancing with excitement and their curling up next to me, even the thump, thump of those big tails hitting everything. They did get me out; now I need to get me out. Have a happy day!

  8. Oh this was brilliant!!! I loved the funny kale reference and the shifting round under the duvet- my husband and I get ratty about the other one doing that too!x

    1. Thanks, Kezzie! I bet there a lot of tales about bed-spinning! I hope that you are enjoying a great week, my friend!

  9. "skunk line coverup" HAHAHA! First time I've ever heard that but it's perfect. Oh, Louise, sleeplessness can be so stressful. Ever since I hit the menopause stage, I don't sleep like a rock anymore. *sigh* I really enjoyed your post. Had me laughing out loud at times!

    1. Slowly, slowly I'm evening out, Martha! For two nights now I've turned off the lights by 11:00 and for three days I've gotten up by 6:00 ~ and I haven't woken up in the night! Now if I can just keep this going. If Wall Street can have a two day winning streak, then for sure, I am winning!

      I'm so glad that you enjoyed my post. You have no idea how much I struggled with it; humor is the most challenging for me to write. But comments like yours give me the courage to tackle more.

      Have an awesome day! Hugs!

  10. Thankk you Louise,
    Still very difficult.
    Keep well, much love

    1. How could it be anything but still very difficult, Noushka? One step at a time, and if you need to stop and take a break from stepping, then rest! I'm giving you a big hug in spirit, and I think of you every day. Be kind and gentle with yourself, my dear friend! Take care!

  11. Home sweet home. It will take time for things to settle in.
    How are the dogs?

    1. The dogs are great, but they are no longer with us. They returned home on Tuesday evening just in time for Terry's sister to leave for London, UK. They are now being cared for by a retired Lieutenant Colonel for the time she is absent. He'll have them marching to a military beat with no unexpected jumps in a pond! LOL Have a good one!

  12. Oh my, you had me laughing through much of this, though also a tad concerned for both you and Terry! "Standing into danger" for sure. "Nothing by halves" for sure. A creative frenzy as a response to all that travel-time is positive in that I found this writing to be brilliant! Felt as though i were there, smiling at you and Mr. Not-quite-so-ever-patient as the two of you each found your way to recover from a lack of sleep and weeks of changed routines. You can tell Barb the Kale and Kibble suggestion brought on gales of giggles. I'm still chuckling now. Thank you, by the way, for your beautiful messages on my blog. Have to sleep now, but will be back to comment very soon on a few of your other (also brilliant) posts!

    1. Hi Carol! Well your comment put a huge smile on my face! All morning, I've been reading a book for my memoir research, and it's been a dry slog, although a fascinating one. So a smiling break from challenging reading is very welcome! The book is Charles A. Bishop's "The Northern Ojibwa and the Fur Trade: An Historical and Ecological Study." It took me about five months to get my hands on a copy, and it's chock full of interesting historical information. My brain is appreciating the challenge! I hope that you, Bill, and Black Jack have a nice jaunt today! Hugs!


Thank you for your comments! I appreciate them very much.