Tuesday, May 14, 2013

AGC3: US Postal Service

Now before I continue 
our squabble story, 
I have to tell you
that my Anonymous Grumpy Cat (AGC)
prides himself on planning trips well.

Terry peruses guide books,

haunts the internet,
pores over maps,
clips articles from newspapers,
and writes important, cryptic information
on bits of yellow sticky notes
stuck all over the house.

For example: on our second trip

to Hawaii over 20 years ago
Terry not only knew 
the best locals restaurant in Kailua-Kona,
he knew about its blue plate specials,
and he knew what was served on those plates
for every day of the week ~
that was when and where I discovered
how much Hawaiians love Spam.

I still have his article 

on the Ocean View Inn
tucked away in a photo album:
"Something for everyone at Ocean View Inn"
West Hawaii TodayMonday, June 13, 1988.

Granted the E-P picked this article up 
on the way into the OVI,
but we had arrived in Kailua-Kona 
knowing which day we were going to the OVI
and what the E-P was going to eat (not Spam).

Another thing about Terry is

that he loves a good deal.
He has been hot on the trail of good deals
since long before I met him.

So I knew on that second Hawaiian trip

that I would not be staying 
at the Mauna Kea Beach Hotel
for $300+/night
no matter how much I wanted to.

Kaunaʻoa Beach and the Mauna Kea Beach Hotel
Big Island, Hawaii

But I did so much want to sit on its deck
drinking an umbrella cocktail 
overlooking the ocean at sunset.

This was the perfect challenge for T:

How to give Louise 
the ridiculous $$$$$-tourist thing she wants
while he gets the cheap he wants.
I'm sure he'd say frugal, prudent, savvy, wise!
I play more grasshopper to his definite ant!

Terry, of course, found a way.

He knew that a long-fought, successful lawsuit
allowed limited public access to Kaunaʻoa Beach
starting in 1981 ~ 15 cars at a time (back then).

So we were up before dawn
the day after the OVI blue plate specials
to drive up the coast to the MKBH, 
to get in line, 
to be among the first 15 cars
allowed to access the beach.

We then spent the entire day 

sunning, snorkeling, and waiting for sunset.
(I saw my first live, wild moray eel!)

Moray Eel, Kona, Hawaii

Then toward sunset, 
Terry nonchalantly walked onto the resort,
while encouraging polite, Canadian good girl bred me 
to act nonchalant as well.

This was hard.

I did not look like any of the resort ladies.
No ~ I looked like a drowned rat with lipstick on!
After all, I had spent about ten hours 
soaking up rays,
hovering over wild eels, 
and hiding in palm frond shadows 
after too much sun ~
Furthermore, my hairdryer would not work 
in the public changing room provided by the resort.
And, have you ever tried to apply lipstick 
after it's been soaking up Hawaiian rays all day?

"Don't worry about it!

You look beautiful to me!"
said the E-P, as he strolled
onto the MKBH deck overlooking the water,
took a seat, and ordered drinks.
I had a mai-tai with an umbrella and an orchid!
I was happy!

Then the E-P surprised me

with something he had learned 
during his extensive pre-trip research:
This restaurant served complimentary pū-pūs 
with cocktails during Happy Hour
which nicely coincided with sunset!

"So my little rat," said he, 

"You not only get an umbrella cocktail,
with an orchid,
you get dinner too!"
(On rare occasions, the E-P does speak in exclamation marks;
and yes, he did say that with great glee!)

Grilling Pū-pūs and Enjoying an Umbrella, Orchid Cocktail
Sunset, Mauna Kea Beach Hotel
June 1988 

Then, to complete 
my Mauna Kea Beach Hotel experience,
the E-P insisted that 
we sneak into the open-air hotel corridors 
to view the Hawaiian quilt and art collection.
At least that's what I think we saw,
because I was terrified 
we were going to be caught
and thrown into some Hawaiian jail.

"You saw it all, Babe!
And it only cost ten bucks plus tip!"
said he, also with great glee!
Now that you understand more about Terry and trips,
back to the vacation deposit check:

AGC:  Has our Hawaiian condo vacation deposit cleared the bank?

MLB:  It should have.  Let me look ... no, it hasn't.

AGC:  When did you mail it?

MLB:  I don't know.  When you reminded me to.  Around the 1st."

AGC:  You don't know when you mailed it?

MLB:  Let me see ... the check was dated April 29th, so I mailed it on the 30th.

AGC:  It's May 8th.  

           It should have cleared the bank by now.  
           Why hasn't it?

          (He is looking very AGC now and is quite feverish).

MLB:  How would I know?  
          Maybe the condo owner hasn't cashed it.

AGC:  Why wouldn't she cash it?  

           She cashed the one in February right away.
           (This as he fires off an email to the condo owner.) ... ... ...

AGC:  She hasn't answered.  

           Something is wrong!  
           I know something is wrong!   ... ... ...
           Did you spell her name right?  
           It was a long Polish name.

MLB:  The Look ~ I'm trying to cook supper.

AGC:  What address did you send it to?

           You didn't send it to Hawaii did you?
           She lives in North Carolina.

MLB:  The Look ~ I'm trying to cook supper.

AGC:  She still hasn't answered!

           Something is really wrong!
           Let me see the address you wrote on the envelope.  ... ... ...
           Is that a 1 or a 4?
           (He points to the last number in the zip code
           I've written in my calendar.)

MLB:  The Look ~ It's a 4.

AGC:  Well, if you wrote it on the envelope like that, 
           it probably wasn't delivered.

MLB:  I wrote it neatly and clearly on the envelope.

AGC:  (Checking his email account)
           She still hasn't answered!
           Where did you mail it?

MLB:  At the mail drop-off box down the street.

AGC:  I've never mailed anything from there.
          How do you know the mailman picked it up?
          Are you sure the mailman picked it up?

MLB:  Things I've mailed since have cleared the bank.
          (I am beyond The Look as I try to cook supper.)

AGC:  I bet the mailman missed it.
           I should have mailed it myself.

MLB:  Don't be ridiculous, Terry!
          The mailman didn't miss it!

AGC:  I bet he did!
           I'm going to check that box right now!

With that the AGC ran out the door,
into the pouring rain,
and stomped down the flood-puddled street
to the mail drop-off box,
with a fever, and 
obviously, not high on his antibiotic prescription.

Two minutes later 
he stomps back in saying, 
"That damn letter is right there where you left it!
I knew it!
If I want anything done right, 
I have to do it myself!"  

MLB:  That's impossible!
            The mailman did not leave the letter behind!
            Things I've mailed since have cleared the bank!

AGC:  I tell you, 
            I saw the letter right there 
            on top of the shelf
            inside the box!
            If you don't believe me, 
            you go check the box yourself!

MLB:  How do you know it's my letter?

AGC:  Because I saw it!
            If I want something done right,
            I have to do it myself!
            I'm so embarrassed!
            The condo lady probably thinks we're flakes!
            Our Hawaiian vacation is probably ruined!
            All because you can't do a simple thing
            like mail a letter!

"No way in hell that letter is there!" 
says I slamming down my spoon,
throwing on a hoodie, 
and jumping into Terry's loafers
that he had dropped by the door.

AGC:  You better take an umbrella!
            And a magnifying glass ~ 
            so you can read whether it's 
            a 1 or a 4 in the zip code!

MLB:  Censored

I ran out the door,
into the pouring rain,
and stomped down the flood-puddled street
to the mail drop-off box.

It was not a fashionista moment.
I hope none of the neighbors saw me
in my apron and hoodie,
with my big black socks 
stuffed intoTerry's loafers,
holding a magnifying glass and umbrella,
peering into the mail drop-off box, 
and mad as a wet hen.

There was a envelope there all right!
With a typed address!
Stomp, stomp, stomp
back through the drenching rain
and up the flood-puddled street.
I stormed in the door!

AGC:  WAIT! ~ before you say anything!
           While you were gone, 
           the condo owner emailed me.
           She got the deposit.
           She just returned home from a trip
           and opened the letter now.

What's a girl to do?
plopped a bowl of hot chicken soup
and a small plate of food
in front of him on the kitchen counter.

While he was sipping hot soup
and looking somewhat chagrined,
he noticed a new email had arrived.

AGC:  Weesie?  
          Did you send the security deposit 
          in a separate envelope?

MLB:  What security deposit?

24 hours later:

AGC:  Weesie, did you mail the security deposit?
           (Peering out from under the covers)

MLB:  Yes.

AGC:  Where?

MLB:  In the mail drop-off box down the street.

AGC:  Good.

What's a girl to do?
How can I not love my little AGC
as he recovers from a kidney infection?

Thanks to all you kind and worried bloggers.
This all has a happy ending. ...


  1. Hahahahaha, I'm surprised it took you so long in this tale to get to "Censored"!

    We did a similarly cheapo thing on Maui last time we were there -- went and had dinner at a certain restaurant on a specific day and time, making sure we sat by their open-air deck, so we could enjoy their cheap all-you-could-eat lobster night while watching the next door business's outdoor polynesian entertainment. A local guy had tipped us off when to go and cash in on "the poor man's luau" as this freeloading trick was called, LOL!

    1. Hi Debra!
      Loved your story about "the poor man's luau!" We did something like that in Thailand, but we didn't have all-you-can-eat lobster to go with it!

      I was trying not to get to "censored" because he was sick with a fever ~ which was confirmed as a kidney infection when the lab results came back. Poor guy ~ who is never sick ~ was sicker than he had ever been since I met him! He's doing well now, and everything is A-OK with Hawaii!

      I hope that you are having a good week!

  2. Ha ha, that is too funny. I love the fashionable trip to the mailbox the most I think. And as for the specs you had on in the picture from '88 - hope you still have them - they are all the rage now.

    1. Hi Francie!
      I'm so glad that you found this funny! I was worried that perhaps people might take it the wrong way! I was pretty hot at the mail drop-off box, so hot I fogged up the magnifying glass and couldn't see through it! Fortunately, I didn't need it to see the type on the envelope! I can't help laughing when I think about my fashion stomp! Sometimes I act before I think!

      And no, I don't have the specs! :( And, of course, they're all the rage now! C'est la vie!

      Have a great evening!

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  4. Geez wouldn't mind staying there
    But 300 bucks is a lot for such a lair
    And haha oopsy it seems came due
    Good things you are on top of things at your zoo

    1. Hi Pat!
      I hope that you are having a good day!
      I'm having our water heater replaced right now, so I can't think about rhymes with all the banging and clanging!
      Oopsies and plumbing emergencies keep things exciting!

      I wish the Mauna Kea Beach Hotel were only $300+ today ~ that was 25 years ago! Now it's way more ~ and still as impossibly ridiculous as ever! The only thing that's changed is me ~ after traveling in Asia, Motel 6 looks fabulous!

      I hope that you are enjoying a good week!

  5. My heart was pounding for you,lol!

    1. Hi Laeli!
      My heart was pounding too! Now every time I think about it, I have to laugh! Terry is doing way better ~ he is his disgustingly rational regular self now! LOL!!!

      I got my new camera yesterday, and I'm probably going to be out of control taking pictures in Hawaii! I'm taking my old camera along too, just in case I run into problems.

      Take care!

  6. That hotel looks lovely! Sitting near the water with a frou-frou drink sounds like heaven.
    I hope AGC feels better soon.

    1. Thanks for the kind words about my Terry, Terry! He is well on the mend and looking forward to leaving for Hawaii via Las Vegas! As am I. Frou-frou drinks by the water is heaven ~ even if I make them myself! Have a good evening!

  7. You showed admirable self-restraint in not dumping the soup over his head.

    I think your lipstick looked pretty nice back in 98. And that moray eel has a rather cheerful grin. :)

    1. Hi Sue!
      I hope all is well with you!
      I exercised self-restraint because I needed the soup in him! I have great faith in the restorative powers of chicken soup when you're sick. Poor AGC had a high fever when all these shenanigans were going on. He is doing much better now!
      Have a good one!

  8. LOL! I am afraid that we would freak Terry out with our travelling arrangements since we usually 'wing it'. I know there are advantages to planning trips but we have found that for us by the time we get there we know the place already and there's no surprise left. It works for us.
    LOL! I can see the both of you going to the post box in the rain and you with a big magnifying glass in one hand!! A true 'Lucy and Desi' moment!!
    I too hope Terry gets better soon...before you get sick walking in the rain!!

    1. Hi Jim!
      I'd be right there with you and Ron! I freak Terry out with the way I like to travel! I treat new places like my students at the first of the year ~ I like to form my own opinions before I check travel books or cumulative folders! I like to hop in and explore and figure things out.

      Terry already has the where and when of restaurants picked out ~ again ~ heck, he's already tracked down the best shrimp truck on Oahu! Super! Just don't tell me! Surprise me! The one thing I want for sure is shave ice! He has that place picked out too!

      When I think back to that squabble and all the stomping around in the rain, I can't help but laugh! It was ridiculous! Terry is usually so calm and rational! Me ~ well I stomp around a lot anyway. I was hot enough when he suggested the magnifying glass that I stomped over to the drawer and grabbed it on my way out. I always have it handy now because my arms can't hold things far away enough for me to read fine print any more. LOL

      Terry is well on the mend and very cheerful because Hawaii is only a few days away!

  9. I love this post Weezier - it captures you and Terry in a delightful way - LOL.
    Your sis Barb :D

    1. Hi Barb!!! You probably know us better than anyone ~ and you certainly appreciate my fashion sense! How can you not love AGC? Hawaii is getting closer!!! :)

  10. I suspect the surprises waiting for you on your trip this time will be so special. Terry is pretty cool even if drugs make him say weird things!

    Hope your vacation is all that you expect and more.

    Pu Pu's ~~ Explain?

    Have a great trip you guys!!


  11. Thanks Ron! Pū-pūs are hot and cold appetizers ~ usually with a Polynesian flavor. I'm going to try and get something posted tomorrow. I can't wait for Saturday!!!! Take care!

    1. Thanks Louise ~~~ BON VOYAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. Hello Fundy!
    You should write a book with all these fun trip details and happenings in your life!
    I am sure I would have the time of my life with you! LOL!!!
    Great stuff and I hope you will have more for us from the next trip! ;-)
    I bet AGC feels better already!

    1. PS:
      Just read your comment where you say you bought yourself a new camera!
      It looks really great!
      Can't wait to see the results from your coming trip in Hawaii!

  13. Hi Noushka! I'm guessing that you are home now, so welcome home! I hope you had a good time! I can't wait to try my new camera out, although it is much more complicated than my old one! I'm still taking my tried and true in case I can't figure out the instruction manual for the new one! Anyhow, I'll see your blog when I'm back, maybe before! Take care!


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