Anonymous Grumpy Cat

I regret to report 
that I am no longer living 
with the E-P.

Over thirty years in a relationship,
and it's come to this.

Consequently, 
I have gone over the edge.
I've come undone.

Cairn, Wetherlam Edge

Source:  Wikimedia Commons

The kind, sweet, gentle man 
I married almost twenty-nine years ago,
has morphed into an Anonymous Grumpy Cat!

 http://www.complex.com/art-design/2013/03/the-50-funniest-grumpy-cat-memes/waking-up

This transformation, 
I now realize, 
was underway a couple of weeks ago
when he began asking me ridiculous questions.

For three nights in a row 
the Ever-Patient said,
"Would you like to have some of my foot cream?"

N1:  Would you like to have some of my foot cream?
N2:  Would you like to have some of my foot cream?
N3:  Would you like to have some of my foot cream?

I couldn't take it any more!
I was sitting in the bedroom 
carefully massaging magnesium oil into my feet
while he was observing me from under the covers.

http://www.complex.com/art-design/2013/05/30-things-you-didnt-know-about-grumpy-cat/grumpycat-21

"What's with the damned foot cream?" 
I blurted on the third night.
(In my defense, I am pointing out
that I was in serious pain 
and had been so for a number of days.)

"We've been married almost thirty years,
and you're suddenly offering me foot cream?
In thirty years you've never offered me foot cream!
What's with the damn foot cream?"

"I'm concerned," says the then Ever-Patient Terry.

"Concerned?  About what?"

"You keep spraying hair de-tangler on your feet every night."

"What?"

"You have all those cans of de-tangler in the bathroom.
You've been spraying it on your feet every night.
At least you're using it."

Does he seriously think 
I'm spraying hair de-tangler on my feet?
I know I've often told him 
that I'm a hobbit ~ but really?
My pampered tootsies
bear no resemblance to Merry's or Pippin's feet!

Even when riding on a bull elephant
in the jungles of Thailand,
when I most definitely was not a Fashionista,
my tootsies were pampered, pedicured, and poppy red.

  
                 Proof Positive:
                 No hobbit feet 
                 for me!

Source:  http://www.thisnext.com/browse/hobbit/

  
"It's magnesium oil ~ 
it's supposed to take away pain and stiffness.
N... told me about it."

"Don't tell me you've fallen 
for another woo woo idea
from a woo woo friend of yours."

"She is not woo woo!
She rides horses.  
She shoots guns.  
She carries a knife.
She's a Republican!
She can field dress an elk and will tell you flat out
that Sarah Palin could not field dress a moose on her own
because she's done it ~ with help!
She is not woo woo!"

He is often concerned about some of my friends
who are into reincarnation, spirits, and herbs.
He is uncomfortable when I say I'm half Druid.

Wheel of Reincarnation

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Dazu_Wheel_of_Reincarnation.JPG

He calls my friends "Woo Woo,"
or he hums the theme from The Twilight Zone.
He does not get true flower power.
He does, however, know 
when to stop a losing line of conversation.

"Well, I hope it works.  
My foot cream is here any time you want it,"
says the E-P turning out his lamp.

I should have known then something odd was going on.
Ridiculous!
Hair de-tangler on my feet?

     

The Guess Who ~ Live ~ Undun ~ 1983

You Tube/Guilded Cage

To be continued...