Saturday, May 11, 2013

Anonymous Grumpy Cat

I regret to report 
that I am no longer living 
with the E-P.

Over thirty years in a relationship,
and it's come to this.

I have gone over the edge.
I've come undone.

Cairn, Wetherlam Edge
Source:  Wikimedia Commons

The kind, sweet, gentle man 
I married almost twenty-nine years ago,
has morphed into an Anonymous Grumpy Cat!

This transformation, 
I now realize, 
was underway a couple of weeks ago
when he began asking me ridiculous questions.

For three nights in a row 
the Ever-Patient said,
"Would you like to have some of my foot cream?"

N1:  Would you like to have some of my foot cream?
N2:  Would you like to have some of my foot cream?
N3:  Would you like to have some of my foot cream?

I couldn't take it any more!
I was sitting in the bedroom 
carefully massaging magnesium oil into my feet
while he was observing me from under the covers.

"What's with the damned foot cream?" 
I blurted on the third night.
(In my defense, I am pointing out
that I was in serious pain 
and had been so for a number of days.)

"We've been married almost thirty years,
and you're suddenly offering me foot cream?
In thirty years you've never offered me foot cream!
What's with the damn foot cream?"

"I'm concerned," says the then Ever-Patient Terry.

"Concerned?  About what?"

"You keep spraying hair de-tangler on your feet every night."


"You have all those cans of de-tangler in the bathroom.
You've been spraying it on your feet every night.
At least you're using it."

Does he seriously think 
I'm spraying hair de-tangler on my feet?
I know I've often told him 
that I'm a hobbit ~ but really?
My pampered tootsies
bear no resemblance to Merry's or Pippin's feet!

Even when riding on a bull elephant
in the jungles of Thailand,
when I most definitely was not a Fashionista,
my tootsies were pampered, pedicured, and poppy red.

                 Proof Positive:
                 No hobbit feet 
                 for me!


"It's magnesium oil ~ 
it's supposed to take away pain and stiffness.
N... told me about it."

"Don't tell me you've fallen 
for another woo woo idea
from a woo woo friend of yours."

"She is not woo woo!
She rides horses.  
She shoots guns.  
She carries a knife.
She's a Republican!
She can field dress an elk and will tell you flat out
that Sarah Palin could not field dress a moose on her own
because she's done it ~ with help!
She is not woo woo!"

He is often concerned about some of my friends
who are into reincarnation, spirits, and herbs.
He is uncomfortable when I say I'm half Druid.

Wheel of Reincarnation

He calls my friends "Woo Woo,"
or he hums the theme from The Twilight Zone.
He does not get true flower power.
He does, however, know 
when to stop a losing line of conversation.

"Well, I hope it works.  
My foot cream is here any time you want it,"
says the E-P turning out his lamp.

I should have known then something odd was going on.
Hair de-tangler on my feet?

The Guess Who ~ Live ~ Undun ~ 1983
You Tube/Guilded Cage

To be continued...


  1. LOL maybe you need a bigger label
    Or do it well he's watching cable
    The magnesium stuff does help though
    Used it a time or two at my show
    What is woo woo is believing all the crap
    That the stupid big pharma idiots spread across the map

    1. Hey Pat!
      I hope all is well, where you're at!
      Glad to hear independent verification ~
      magnesium oil was my salvation!
      Big pharma's pills were not working,
      as pain inside my feet was lurking.
      "Placebo effect," said the E-P
      with way too much gusto and glee!
      Have a good day
      at your bay!

  2. Oh no! What a cliffhanger! I'm feeling all woo woo now!

    1. Hi Debra! I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about Part 2 of the cliffhanger! Now, if I could just remember how I solved what was bugging me! It's always interesting around our place. Terry is solid in sensing, and I operate on intuition! Have a good one.

  3. this story. You two sound like fun! Well, now I'm in suspense...

    1. Hi Martha! Thank you for the kind words! I'll try not to keep you in suspense too long! Have a good one!

  4. Hahaha so exciting! What will happen next?? I'm already amazed that he knows the word "detangler"!

    1. Hi B&R! Thank you! Thank you! I was amazed too. He must have been checking out the cans on the counter before I bought the magnesium oil! He is so funny! Take care!

  5. "He is uncomfortable when I say I'm half Druid". Hmmm. Maybe he's worried about his safety since Druids practiced human sacrifice.

    1. Oh Terry! You gave me the best big laugh as I read your comment! Take care!

  6. I'm not sure Alain would even know what detangler is!!! That was the funniest part for me! Can't wait to hear the rest of this!!!

  7. Terry surprised me too! I never know what he is going to come up with! Take care!

  8. I like it. Woo woo friends, I mean although magnesium foot cream has its own appeal. I suppose I have I have some woo woo friends. I'll have to think about it and if it turns out I don't, well I'll have to get some. Maybe borrow yours?? I just can't wait to hear how this turns out. The hair on my feet is all atangle with anticipation!!!

    1. I like it too ~ some of my very best lifetime friends have been woo woo! Thanks for the kind words! Have a great week!

  9. WooWooLouLouDoodle!!

    Your name keeps getting longer and longer ~~ soon it'll be off the page.

    Don't listen to those that debunk the truth, gurlfriend!!

    We are WooWooDoodleFriends from at least the 1970's ~~~ far our man, in this case WOman~!!

    WooWooRon here!

  10. HILARIOUS!!! You had us in stitches Louise here in the kitchen as we wait for the living room floor to dry!!
    My father calls our naturopath the Voodoo Lady! I love Woo Woo!
    You two seem to get along perfectly...balancing each other out in the end. Hey, almost 30 years is a feat, you know! Ron and I couldn't be more different in so many areas...but we always said that we are constantly amazed at what the other one says at times. It works for us as it does for you two!
    This was so entertaining whether you intended that or not. Thanks.

  11. I'm so glad that you and Ron enjoyed this, Jim! I am trying and intending to be entertaining, so the positive feedback you two have given me! A long relationship is so rich. We four are very lucky! Humor definitely smoothes the path.


Thank you for your comments! I appreciate them very much.